Reach

With stars in her eyes
She reached for the distant skies
And found her own heart.

Possibilities

Waiting for magic
And new friends, I’ve not yet met
Just around the bend.

Thali Plate

Lunch, at first so YUM
Rumble, grumble in my gut
Now reaching for Tums.

Blessing

B - Believing
L - Love
E - Enfolds
S - Surely
S - Supports
I - Incarnating
N - New
G - Goals

Within

Reach now, dig it up
The truth tucked in the darkness
Light. There all along.

You... Yes, YOU

Hi. You are loved and special and radiant and beautiful and unique and a dynamic force to be reckoned with... go take that awesomenesss and put it all in today's face, mkay? Consider yourself hugged!!

Behind a Looking Glass – The Fall, and Hope to Rise

The fall… Down

A deep hole…
Plummeting like Alice
But there are no wonders there
The paint is shit smeared on the wall.

Your fingers curled up in arthritic agony
A crippled grip on the heart
Squeezing out the beautiful riotous red of love and life
Leaving only a grey dirge where there once was cheerful song.

A scythe as wide as the horizon, wider than the world,
Wider than the UNIVERSE cuts a path of pain
You try to shut your lidless eyes against the needling sight,
Because the grain that falls is the hope that feeds your world.

There is no sun there, no light to lead the way home
What is “home”?
How long since you’ve had somewhere soft to land
Somewhere safe to rest your head
Somewhere to be a child again (if you ever were one).

At rest? There, at the bottom of the paradoxical abyss
When you’ve hit and been swallowed and there’s nothing more to miss
When you’re mired and you’re strangled by your blankets and your breath
How do you begin to untangle this deep and mournful mess?

Up?
Up is a distant memory
A treasure you forgot you buried
Like it never existed at all.

Oh yes, maybe, yes
The world shifts on its axis
And once again, as if for the first time
UP is a possibility.

The hope to rise… Up

The darkness is spangled with starlight
The echo in the emptiness is love calling your name
The warm rain promises spring after an endless winter
Everest fades, and the rocky road widens.

Icicles begin to break from your bones and your being.
The chain that bound your lungs, unlocked, now falls away
A heart beats, like a little bird, in your chest once again
Yes, Up, you remember now? Remember who you ARE.

New breath, dawn illumined
New day, the path is yours
By love or God or friends or
By your own hard-won and granted grace.

You are here NOW.
Breathe.
Ask.
Say YES.

Robin Williams - His Death & a Reflection

I can't stop thinking about Robin Williams. I know we must honor the paths of others and that we don't know what lessons we came here on this grand playground called Earth to experience. Still, he was such a funny soul, and so many of his movies touched me so deeply.

I wish I could have hugged him and said, "Stay - you surely have so much more to give." But, that's me being selfish. Although, whe...n I wrestle with my darkness, I would want someone to remind me of the light I have to share.

For a man who brought smiles to so many, you wouldn't think he struggled with such demons. Goes to show, you don't know the battles that someone might be facing.

   
 (Read onward, for something to consider...)

Union

Union

We all came willing
Eager, open, wondering
Strangers left as tribe.
 

 

Sorry (NOT sorry), must post again.Still buzzing and processing the energy of the workshop yesterday... I turn to the afternoon sun, and a daydream of yesterday bubbles up and POP - there we are... tearful, joyful, fearless, dancing, laughing, digging deep and MAKING SHIT HAPPEN. (The good kind, of course.)

"How bold one gets, when one is sure of being loved." -Freud.

Grateful, grateful, grateful.

New

Keep walking... the sun
Lies warmly in wait, dear one
There, beyond the bend.

An Exceptional Day...

Jennifer Pastiloff is a strong, dynamic, soulful person and an amazing writer. I've been inspired by her work for some time. She led a yoga-tastic-heart-expansive-beauty-hunting-excursion within today, a workshop punctuated by sweat, tears, dancing, and interlaced with love. It was just what I needed - of course, the Universe's perfect timing.

She gave us an assignment to write ourselves a letter in the voice of someone who loves us. It was wonderful to hear this beautiful group of people read their letters, the celebration of the beauty of how WE ARE ALL WORTHY AND LOVED.

My letter, happened to be from my dog Guinness. Those who know him, probably can't help but smile. For those who don't, maybe you'll smile anyway.

I was honestly floored that Jennifer wanted to film this and post it on her page - but I'll take it as a message from the Universe (and from Jennifer) that I shouldn't pooh-pooh my writing.

Expansion

The space where pain lives
Is the place your heart's edging
Out into greater.

Today

Today, I give thanks - because I have the brain to think it, the tongue to speak it, the heart to hold it, and the loved ones to hear it. All is well, all is well, all manner of things are well.

Prayer

God, grant me the clarity to stay focused on and grateful for the good, when the good seems hard to find. If life is like an easter egg hunt in a metaphorical landfill... there may be some smelly slime on my shoes and flies trying their best to go up my nose, but by golly, look at my basket full of pretty eggs.

And let me be thankful for the pressure that's in my life that's gonna make me into a beautiful diamond (even if I crap myself first). Amen.

Broken in Darkness

You don't see the space
where I'm shattered, here inside,
picking up pieces.

You don't see the place
where my limit reached its end
hiding in plain sight.
...
Could you love the cracks
Could you honor my limits
Could you, would you... friend???

Leavened Heart

Stretched and I found it
Bound tight and dark inside there
Ready for the sun.

Definition

Constructive procrastination: When you're amazed at the end of a busy day at how much you've accomplished that had absolutely NOTHING to do with what you really needed to do.

Stress

Whenever I am really stressed about work, I have nightmares about waiting tables. WHERE ARE MY FRIES? Why are these burgers burnt? Syrup needs to be changed. How do I ring in these salads?

Because...

Written just now, because it had to be said:

Thanks for being my friend. Your voice of calm and reason is what I needed. I'm getting this same crazy, constricted panic feeling, like when I tried to hike the Appalachian Trail and only made it one night. "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF."

Like I've stuffed an entire bagel in my mouth and am choking on it a bit as I chew. There are crumbs flying everywhere, and my jaw hurts, and I know I'll get it down, but I'm grateful for friends like you to give me an energetic heimlich every now and again.

Disregard this message if it makes no sense. LOL

Love and hugs and love,

d

Breathe...

Woke up, crying. Left for work, praying. Here now, hoping. God, I ask that you use me as a vessel of your GOOD. Let Divine clarity and focus filter through all I put my hands to today. Let me be bolstered by faith and your Love, that I see the signs everywhere I look. "All is well, all is well, all manner of things are well." And so it IS.

Birthday

The next trip has come
Another dance 'round the sun
With a grateful heart.

Lightin' Bugs

Bellies a blinkin'
Just nature's slow flameless sparks
Lazy summer show.

Last Day of 38

I will have a life unique for me, unique in the world, a note only I can sing in the oceanic symphony of Soul. The song within carries me home.

Monday

Stomach all jumbled
Dog ate my favorite new shoes
Off to a great start.

Anticipation

Tired, but hopeful.
Today is almost done, soon
A new day revealed.

Life is Practice

As I stretch and bend
I honor myself, and then
judgment falls away.

Dreamless

The rain patters down
Adding to the thought ocean
Keeping me awake.

Yoga Lotto

Poses not perfect
But I'm still a winner, yes
Because I showed up.

Hangry

Looking forward, then
Waiting while blood sugar drops;
Want to cut someone.

Movement

Constipated heart
Holding onto too much "stuff"
Better to let go.

10,000

Steps, easy with friends
There's the stairway to Heaven
Arrived just in time.

Amazing (Haiku for Laura)

Feel another's joy
Let it swell in your own soul
A blessing for all.

Unfair

Sleep, it eludes me
My thoughts thunder so loudly
Yet, he snores in peace.

New Day

This heart is so full
Optimistic, wide open
Today, I say yes.

Beacon

Turn on your bright light
Remove the bushel basket
You are only love.

A Writer Writes (Again)

I mentioned to someone recently, "In my head, I fancy myself a writer." She then asked what I had been writing... I had to admit: NOTHING. She responded with respectful truth, and said, "Well, dear if you're not writing, you're not a writer." SO... This is from whence the haikus now come, the desire to BE a writer, rather than just talk about it. Getting the juices flowing, albeit 17 syllables at time.

Yes, a writer writes
Syllables dance in my brain
Arranged now, just so.

Life

Road trip, windows down
Sometimes the breeze is cut grass
Others, chicken poop.

Funny

Relaxing by the pool at my Mom's, enjoying the sun and birds spontaneous songs. Woke up to find bird crap on my shoulder. Nature = awesome, with a side of funny, just for me.

Flow

Get a grip, they say
But a closed fist can't receive;
Let love move on through.

Meteor

Tired eyes, too late
The meteor shower comes
Streaks blessing my dreams.

Yoga

Downward dog tremble
In the plank pose, drops of sweat
I do love myself.

Ode to Cheetos

Cheesy goodness crunch
Bag bottom found much too soon
Orange-fingered shame

One Word - Walls

I’ve put them up brick by brick, in neat and sloppy rows. Laid in leisure, laid in pain, elevated by years of hurry and thinking I’m less than, wondering if I’m so different that I’m not worthy of love.


You pull them down with your honesty, your tenacity, your bravery, your willingness to see and know me as I am. You pull them down when you stay.

Musings

Star off in the distance, shining just for me,

Bewilderment, yet wonder, is all I'm meant to see.

 

"Accept my light with gladness, and beside you I will stand;

I whisper in the space between, not always at your command.

I'll guide you and protect you, as I have from the start;

I'll never leave you, dear one, for I live inside your heart."

 

 

 

 

(January 2012)

Pennies of Prosperity Consciousness

                "11, 12, 13, 14…"  I sifted through my change purse, which was getting heavy with pennies.  I pulled out exact change for my lunch, handing a few singles and this fist full of change over to the drive-thru attendee while at the same time, mumbling an apology.  "Sorry for all the pennies…"  As I drove away, I realized that this wasn't the first time that I had said that to someone.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I do it almost every time.  "Sorry for the pennies." 

 

                Why am I apologizing?  Aren't pennies legal currency?  Don't 50 of them have the same purchasing power as two shiny silver quarters, which will pay my toll on 400 to Inner Quest? I don't apologize for quarters, so why pennies?  Hm.                 

 

                A penny is the smallest value coin, but there is power of attainment in it nonetheless.  Somewhere along the way though, I started seeing them as an embarrassing sign of poverty or lack. Huh?  I realized that I had been judging the penny as "less than", even though it too is a tool to get what I want.  Come to think of it… a penny, however humble, is just like the little efforts we make in our lives to manifest the desires of our heart.  Then it hit me that I have been judging my small efforts too!                 

 

-Going for a walk ("but it's not a long walk, which is what I really should be doing")…               

-Meditate for 10 minutes ("but I should be meditating for an hour")…               

-Losing a pound ("but it should have been two pounds")…               

-Showing up for God on a Sunday ("but I really should be going on Tuesdays too)…                

 

              In the face of my over-arching life goals, these efforts can seem like only drops in the bucket. Spirit nudged me to flip the coin of my perspective!  Small efforts over time can equal big results, and they should not be discounted!  After all, we have to start somewhere… Step by step, minute by minute, pound by pound, Sunday by Sunday, we get to where we want to be.  I shouldn't judge those small efforts as less than perfectly enough.  I am perfectly enough.  Just like those pennies were perfectly enough to buy my lunch that day.

 

 

Love and blessings,

 

d

God Moment

Confession of the Day:  I'm not always great at listening to guidance.  I'm not talking about when a friend or family member gives you advice.  I'm talking about that "small still voice" that whispers the wisdom that is needed in the moment.  "Slow down as you come over this hill."  (Bam, there's a speed trap!)  "Check the nuts, they are about to burn."  (Aha!  Perfectly toasted!)  "Be careful what you say to this person."  (Later a story of betrayal.)

It's hit or miss.  Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don't.  I usually regret it when I don't.  I think that guidance, intuition is actually Guidance with a capital "G".  The Universe's way (or God's way) of directing you on your path.

Ya Gotta Start Somewhere

I have stacks of journals.  Stacks and stacks of them.  And I'm pretty damn sure that all of them are unfinished.  I like to write, but secretly think that someone will read what I write and be horrified or judgmental or just plain bored.  But, this kind of writing, the one where you pick up a pen or commit to your keystrokes should solely be about me.  Whatever genius or nonsense or bullshit I've got to pontificate in the moment.

Amongst the stacks of unfinished journals, I've also got books of topics with pages for suggestions of things you might want to write about... (Yes, I paid money for these as well)
Where do I start?  Beginning to end, end to beginning, or strictly at random?  Shit.  (Just pick something, and write about it, and see where it takes you!)  Ok, here goes...

Question:  Who do you admire and why?

admire:
– Verb (used with object)

1.  to regard with wonder, pleasure, or approval.

—Synonyms
1.  esteem, revere, venerate.

I admire my friend Geema.  She is fearless, beautiful, generous of heart, and funny as hell.  I admire that she will pack a bag, go to a foreign country on her own, and find new friends wherever she is.  She's like a magnet, drawing people with stories and open minds to her like a moth to a flame.

I love people, but have great social anxiety.  When at a party, I'm usually the wallflower, rather than dancing in the spotlight.  In my dreams, I dance freely, without care for what others think.  In reality, in a crowded place, I quickly retreat to the corners.  Because there's a better chance there that I'll be able to find out what your story is (and actually be able to hear you). 

Who do you admire and why?

d

A Writer Writes, Always

This is a line from a quirky 80's movie.  Can anyone guess?  Perhaps someone more famous than Billy Crystal said it before, but it's a line that has always stuck with me.  Am I a writer?  What makes a writer? 

A stream of consciousness poured out on paper?   I would have to say that I'm no writer then; because I've got stacks of journals enthusiastically begun that fizzle out and end up as sad testaments to my dreams of being a "writer".  If I am to be painfully honest, I must confess that if I continue tirelessly scribing every thought and whimsy and spastic emotion, that the inescapable truth will be revealed.  That, just because I write doesn't mean that I'm a writer.

Quizzically yours,

d

Hobbling toward Health

How do you take a metaphysical approach to weight loss? I just typed, "I'm at war with my fat rolls."  (Delete, delete, delete)  How can I expect to win a war with MYSELF? 

I feel like having a "What the Bleep Do We Know" moment, taking a bath and covering myself with hearts and flowers and the words "I LOVE YOU".  Of course that would require that I clean my tub (way overdue), and oh yeah, I'm currently too fat to fit comfortably in it anyway.  Showers of shame.  And so, I wrestle with my physicality, knowing all too well that my body reveals what I'd rather hide from all the world.  A life out of balance.

I want to be a harmonious reflection of the trifecta that is the human experience.  Body. Mind. Spirit.  In the healthy expression of all three, I will find my way HOME.

And so, today, I walk toward manifesting.  And so it is.

Daydreams

I keep thinking about babies.  Last night at prayer circle, I put in my first prayer about it.  I've thought about it plenty, but this was my first plea to God that I am easy on the path to a healthy pregnancy. 

A little light to lift the light of the whole.  How awesome.  And all the better if it has my eyes and my husband's beautiful skin. 

Love.